Autum Leaves (Just Like You)
Autum leaves spill
crimson red,
tainting the mountain
of my love for you.
With jagged edges of mishap-
impossible to grasp.
I see my favorite butterfly fleeing south.
It is stark and starling against the sunset.
Vision in a dew drop tear that has found its way
to the flower of your last name.
As I fall again-
to an internal winter.
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2 comments:
I definitely love the title. Great play on words, m'lady.
I think slight word changes with make this poem flow a little better. Take a look at your prepositions.
for example in the first stanza
"to the mountain" try out different ones like: on, into, through.
just suggestions.
I like the slight rhyme between the words "mishap" and "grasp"
perhaps change "head" to "heading"?
maybe even a different verb would be better.
I like the alliteration sss in the following line.
"the flower of your last name" = favorite line.
but i think the ending line could be much stronger.
hope this was of some help.
sorry about the typos. it's late.
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